Monday, 2 June 2014

Betrayed..




The darkness weighs heavy in my heart
A thousand knives pierce its soul
Blinded by promises that overwhelm the mind
Shrouded by folly and foul.

Yet hope flutters her sprightly wings
Doubt etches rays of trust
Caught in this ever frightening whirlpool
That threatens but all to dust.

Let the pain burn ever more brighter
Until this heart is but left stoned
Waves crashing on its cold surface
May perish decried and condoned.

Still hope flutters her sprightly wings
Igniting flames of love
As tears drip down unwary cheeks
And the heavens break above.


 (This is my first attempt at writing a poem!! Eagerly looking forward to your responses!! :D)


29 comments:

  1. Beautiful! Hope does keeps us all going. Doesn't look like your first attempt :)

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    1. Thanks Vinodini!! Had to tax my brains real hard to come up with this!! ;)

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  2. whoa, that was beautiful. I agree, first attempt?:P naah hehe
    I loved the third verse,i do like stories of hope but there's something about pain that is raw and beautiful to connect with :)

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    1. Thank you Sabeeha!! True there is something really beautiful about pain as well.. :)

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  3. First attempt? Are you serious? This is brilliant my lady.

    Rhymed poetry is orgasmic for me and this one was really really good. Keep up the good work!

    P.S: Try not to use full stops in poems, a comma here and there is fine. But full stops somehow say that this is the end. Just a suggestion :)

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    1. Thanks for the suggestion Soumya.. And glad you loved it. :D

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  4. Very nice attempt at first go, are you sure you arent distorting facts just to earn brownie points :p
    Waise background story to the poem as a beginner would help better the readers to connect

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    1. Brownie points? Lol!! Naah.. Took me three days to write it.. And thanks Sneh for the suggestion. :D

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  5. Beautiful , your first poem? you sailed through the litmus test with ease..kudos :)

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  6. Very nicely written :-) Hope can sometimes be dangerous in dead-end situations. :-)

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  7. You brought positiveness after the pain...Hope during despair.
    Loved this one babe!
    doesnt seem like ur first :)

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  8. Nicely done, Anusree. Great maiden attempt.
    Write more! :)

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  9. Oh look! We've also got a poet!!! Anything else coming along that we should know about? I already know you are a 9-pointer (Shhhh!)

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  10. I know everything about u since childhood,ur homework fundas and all...Writing...is it weapon...keep it up dear,,love u as always I do..

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    1. Thank you so much Chandana di!! Love you too!!

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  11. This is beautiful. Like Soumya, I ask - First attempt???

    I wish I could write something like this. :)

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  12. Woowww.. Anu!!! Its beautiful.. Such a great poem at your 1st attempt!!!! Lovely!! :)

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  13. beautiful poetry....Your blog is very beautiful!

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    1. Thank you for the kind words Sanjay.. :)

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  14. Its raw emotions , that make a poem good . And yours is for sure

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  15. Its raw emotions , that make a poem good . And yours is for sure

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    1. Thank you so much.. And welcome to my blog. :)

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